Death and Compost

It all started with a fairly innocent trip to the Insectarium in New Orleans on our recent trip to the US. My girls aren't 'afraid' of 'bugs' and really seem to understand the need to protect spiders. So I didn't think that this trip was incompatible with their interests and never thought it could be the source of anxiety.

Indeed, they mostly found many things to be interested in, and were fascinated by many of the interesting and compelling exhibits proposed by the Insectarium.

One exhibit, has the visitors go through a dark room and visit small presentations showing how things work underground, what worms are for, etc. Towards the end of this exhibit is a short (less than a minute) film showing a dead mouse and how s/he is 'managed' by various insects and worms to, ultimately, decompose and the film ends showing grass growing in its place.

Abigail was mesmerized. She silently watched the film at least four times and we encouraged her to move on. She was having none of it. The questions blurted out, 'How did that mouse die?', 'Why did the bugs do that?', 'What happens when we die?', and on and on, so fast we couldn't even respond, and it ended with the mournful, 'I don't want to die and become compost!'

Of course you don't.

Well, it opened up a large number of questions about death, about what happens after death, how all animals, humans, insects... all living beings die, and, well, turn to compost. The question has revisited us from time to time, and aside from commenting that she doesn't want to die, Abigail mentions that she doesn't want me, her father, her sisters or any other number of loved ones to die, either.

What is particularly moving about her questions is that Abigail really seems to 'get' the finality of death. Most children are interested in the phenomenon, but she is clear on the concept that people don't come back. A previous post dealt with the death of our beloved dog, Zoe. Abigail realized that Zoe was gone and not coming back, but until seeing this short film, I doubt that it occurred to her what death meant. Now she has a more keen sense.

And as we, her parents and older sister, listen to her question the need to die, express the desire not to die, we are unable to comfort her. We can't tell her it won't happen. We do mention that it shouldn't happen for a long time, but this scale of time is as yet too abstract a concept for her. Most importantly, Abigail seems to more keenly feel the reality than the rest of us. It can be seen in her eyes, why is she so upset and why aren't we as freaked out as her... indeed, why not?

I guess, and this she wouldn't understand yet, if we spend our time freaking out about death, it is going to be pretty hard to enjoy living. At least Abigail has the limited attention of all five year-olds: she doesn't dwell on this and seems to forget the whole thing for long periods of time. I have no doubt, though, that this will be a subject of questions and conversation for a long, long time.